I love my family to bits, but now my brothers and I are all adults, I couldn't live with them! Everyone is now beginning to get on each other's nerves haha. Anyone know the feeling?
Sure I do Sarah! Although I really get together very well with my brother, the last years I spent on my mother´s house before getting married were a pain. She didn´t recognized that we had grown up, and was always getting mad at me for doing those kind of things that young people do, like going out to dance, spending ocasional nights on friends or my boyfriend (now husband) houses, and she even got bothered sometimes with the time I spent out on cultural happenings, and, on the other side, she didn´t allowed me to invite my friends or boyfriend to her house. Her behavior definitely made me get married earlier than I should if she wasn´t acting like that. And my brother got married one year later.
I have to say that my mom just somehow started to get back to her senses when she became an empty nester, but she still don´t really believe that we´ve grown: When we go to her house she don´t want us to dring cold juice, jelly or ice cream (??????) because she thinks it´s unhealthy (???????) for example. And, while all my friends moms are very excited for them to give them grandsons, mine hates the idea of becoming a grandomother, and thinks we would never have kids because they only cause trouble (?????)- and almost all her younger sisters already have lovely grandsons. When her mother passed away two years ago she became very sad and we thought that, being the oldest one still alive would make her grow - and, in fact, she started to care more about her extended family and communicate better with her sisters, but, apart for it, she´s still the same.
I love my family.... my mother included. But.........
Yes it's difficult, for everyone to adjust. Some continue to control every little detail, from saying things like when to brush teeth. I think it rests on both sides. That those that have new adult children have to learn how to say things so it will be accepted well. "I'm done, Bathroom is free, who was next?" In stead of "Go Brush your teeth!" Five times, every time someone comes out of the bathroom, to a 24 yo. ( When you have 12 folks sharing a small 2 bedroom house with 2 bathroom-thank you!!- for only two days, and a ton of things to do and going on, it does take some good managing!)....But also it goes for those adult children as well, they need to realize that things aren't always going to be said just right- us older ones have troubles finding the exact words we want sometimes, especially when we aren't sleeping well, one an air mattress for only 5 hrs. Also they need to not assume that every little comment, is intended to be "mothering", sometimes we would say "Would you look ontop of that curio for a pink antique dish, that might not even be there, but be carefully as to teeter on a chair with cushions, and pull it past all those other fragile dishes, cause I've over packed the cabinet. Lol"
Both my mom and I noticed that when the oldest sibling moves out, 4 years before the next, the eldest, doesn't realize that little sister or brother actually grows up, goes through tough courses in high school, perhaps not the field that the first learned but challenging none the least. They also learned to drive, perhaps even held down a job longer because parents now don't have another car to offer, etc.
I've seen so many times, and I was a younger child, and sometimes especially those first borns have a hard time realizing that others also grow up, they can be as hard to convince - or harder because they live such a busy life style that they just don't have a chance to think about that fact along with all the college and masters work, --- where as some of the parents eventually get nostalgic and it finally hits them, my little ones growing up!
Even loving families, can have a hard to communicating through these constantly changing relationship dynamics....then things like fiancées and new babies start coming, and everyone's roles and the whole lot have to now adjust and welcome in new folks with their own new roles.
I love my family bunches, and would love to see them more often, but especially when you throw in all the extra activity and long traveling lack of good sleep, ---- this quickly aging body is very thankful when things shift back to normal and I can get rested up from the break again! Lol
I know I can't live with my family. We would kill each other. We're all very very loud about our opinions and being right. I'm currently living in my boyfriend's parents' house and, well, I hate it. I lived on my own for ten years. I'm here because of finances. And it's very hard to express that I'm not ungrateful for their hospitality, I'm ungrateful for the situation I'm in. I'm ungrateful towards life right now. Boy's mother is a micromanaging, doesn't know how to let anyone age past the age of 4, type mother. I was watching siblings and doing laundry by age 8. They don't really know what to do with the fact that I like to do my own chores, cook my own food, and do my own projects. I about died when his mum tried to explain how to sand wood to me. I grew up in a woodshop, which she knows!
Okay, I ranted. I feel better.
My mother just turned 79 in September, and my grandmother is 101 (101.5, as she likes to say). Grandma lived on her own until about 3 years ago, when she finally gave in and moved in with my mother (Grandma says she moved in because she was worried about my mother and needed to help look after her). Grandma drove my mom crazy. Lots of opinions on what to do and when to do it and how to cook, etc. It was a little bit of a blessing when Grandma's health got to the point that she had to go to a care center because Mom wasn't physically strong enough to take care of her anymore.
My point is that age doesn't really matter! Not everyone is able to live with their families after growing up. I think it's not a bad thing, I always appreciate my family much more when I haven't seen them for a couple of months!