My sister and I said happy father's day to my Dad over Skype this morning. It was a special time since I haven't actually seen her in 2.5 years and now we're together!
My dad died last week. He & I have been estranged for the last 29 years thanks to his 2nd wife & because he was abusive (I lived with them for 6 years)... Father's Day has always been a mixed bag for me - emotions all over the place because growing up I had 3 different versions of my father & have never been able to figure out which one he truly was... Was he the daddy that I had when my parents were married, "visitation daddy" or the monster I had to deal with when I lived with him & his [now ex] wife? Well, thanks to the actions of his 2nd family (leaving my sister & I out of the obituary as if we never existed) & the content of his will (he mentioned my sister & I in it - stating that we were not going to be beneficiaries - all so we cannot "sue" his estate according to the lawyer, which I find insulting) I now know which one he really was & it turns out to be the latter... Hoping all of this will now help give me some closure... Sorry to post something so negative in what would normally be a positive thread, but I'm really having a hard time coping with everything that's happened this past week.
@Lizanne I am so sad. From what you have shared before I feel that you have a really strong family now and quite frankly that is so important. Please continue to share your trial and tribulations with this community and perhaps we can just help cheer you up through these very difficult times in your life.
My mom's mother died when she was seven years old (on Christmas) and then she got a step mother and step sister. Our Nana was really wonderful but I have to tell you when she died her daughter got everything to include my great grandmother and grandfathers belongings. All my Mom wanted was the rocking chair that my great grandmother sat in combing my mom's hair when she was little. Her step sister and her husband would not do it. Apparently rather than giving the antiques to my grandfather's children they sold it all! One happy note, although my grandmother died on Christmas, I was born on Christmas!
My husband is a father to a now 40 year old son but he is estranged...not because of us but because of his mother. He still lives at home! His ex made it very tough for my husband to have a relationship with him. We figured when he got old enough he would recognize that he still had a father that actually loved him so much that was all that he wanted from the marriage...but alas, she just used him against my husband. On one phone conversation at his favorite time (2:30 in the morning) he actually told my husband that he may have been his biological son but Charles was not his father!
What I didn't include in my earlier post was that my Dad died a week short of 53 years old. It will be 32 years since he died on July 5th. It was a shock...he drowned in the community pool. I wish you could have had a wonderful, caring father like I had. My prayers are with you through this difficult time!
@Janet @Liz - sorry to hear those sad news, but it´s soooo important that you tell them - It´s important for you, because it helps to try assimilate what happens, and it´s important to us so we can virtually hug our virtual friends - feel a WARM hug from me Liz! - and because we feel more human in contact with other humans, and feel less lonely - we are not the only ones having problems in a society where everyone usually seems happy...
Here, Father´s day is in August - I am ok with it, as my dad is a fantastic one, my hero for sure, and he lives in the next door, but it´s so hard for my hubby. His dad had already had 4 or 5 wives - we are not really sure and he doesn´t know all his biological half brothers and sisters. Her mother´s was the marriage that lasted longer - but his father abandoned his mother with a 11y.o. (my hubby) and a 1 y.o., went to live in another state, getting with him ALL the money they had and NEVER paid pension, NEVER gave any of them 1 birthday or christmas gift or showed some love when it was not his interest - he showed up and mixed with the children´s feelings being a very cool person every time his mother went to the court against him to try making him paying something. Because of this person, they lived at relatives houses, had nothing to eat besides bread for some time, and lots of other sad things - and this guy is still their father. He converted to a Church, sold all the lands my hubby grandfather´s left as inheirtance - according to brazilian law, he couldn´t have done it, because of their son´s and daughter´s shares - and spent every little penny, buying things in name of other persons, so the goods can´t be taken back by the justice, an d now bothers all the family in Facebook showing how happy his family is, how he is a good father to his youngest sons, how he has prosperity in life, and sending us messages about the "Jesus, that is the one who saves and forgives everything" - nothing against Jesus, but against people who misuse his name and think they´re right. And to the need of this person to clogg our timelines with his messages, knowing that neither my husband, nor I are Christians. If he had been a good Christian, and really prooved with acts his regret about past failures, it would be another thing, but he did nothing of that. And I know that my husband really want to go there where he lives and talk sincerely about these and other things he made, and how he feels, and so.... but we - still - don´t have money to travel so far... so father´s day is not a fantastic day here too, although I try to cheer it up every year and we always enjoy the day with my beloved dad...
@Lorien: thanks... (and hugs back ) I feel bad for your husband - I know how he feels. I wrote a very simplified version of what my father did to me because I didn't want to scare people (and, simply put, I could fill up a book). He was an awful man. I, too, lived with other relatives at one time (my grandmother), but was never poverty-stricken like your husband was - for that I am truly sorry. My father was very cheap, too, and often didn't provide for me either - even when I was living with him (clothing, annual doctor checkups, etc.). His wife used to write "stay out" on much of the food in our refrigerator - to the point where I couldn't take a lunch to school, and as he never gave me lunch money I went without.
Just curious.... did the dad's conversion take place before or after he sold the lands & what not? As you have already figured out, not all people who proclaim to be Christian act in a Christian manner - sad, but true. They give Christians a bad name. I hope some day you have the funds so he can make that trip & clear the air/get closure. I know how hard that is. I did try to do that with my father years ago - wrote him a letter (at my counselor's suggestion) in the hope that he would reflect on what I had wrote, apologize for what he did to me, and we could possibly rebuild a relationship. Sadly, that was not meant to be... In my mid-20's, when I was down visiting my grandmother, he showed up to eat his lunch (as he did every day he worked, as she lived down the street from where he worked) & confronted me about what I had written. It was just him & I - my grandmother was out for the afternoon. He told me I lived in a "fantasy world," and inferred that I'd lied and made up what I wrote. Needless to say I was livid. I brought up specific examples, which clearly proved I wasn't lying, and he threatened to beat me. I grabbed a steak knife out of my grandmother's silverware drawer & told him he would never lay a hand on me again, and if he tried I wouldn't hesitate to use it (something very uncharacteristic for me, but I was serious - I was never going to let him hurt me again & I didn't know what else to do). He called me a f*ing nut & left. We never spoke again after that.
My sister and I said happy father's day to my Dad over Skype this morning. It was a special time since I haven't actually seen her in 2.5 years and now we're together!
My dad died last week. He & I have been estranged for the last 29 years thanks to his 2nd wife & because he was abusive (I lived with them for 6 years)... Father's Day has always been a mixed bag for me - emotions all over the place because growing up I had 3 different versions of my father & have never been able to figure out which one he truly was... Was he the daddy that I had when my parents were married, "visitation daddy" or the monster I had to deal with when I lived with him & his [now ex] wife? Well, thanks to the actions of his 2nd family (leaving my sister & I out of the obituary as if we never existed) & the content of his will (he mentioned my sister & I in it - stating that we were not going to be beneficiaries - all so we cannot "sue" his estate according to the lawyer, which I find insulting) I now know which one he really was & it turns out to be the latter... Hoping all of this will now help give me some closure... Sorry to post something so negative in what would normally be a positive thread, but I'm really having a hard time coping with everything that's happened this past week.
@Lizanne I am so sad. From what you have shared before I feel that you have a really strong family now and quite frankly that is so important. Please continue to share your trial and tribulations with this community and perhaps we can just help cheer you up through these very difficult times in your life.
My mom's mother died when she was seven years old (on Christmas) and then she got a step mother and step sister. Our Nana was really wonderful but I have to tell you when she died her daughter got everything to include my great grandmother and grandfathers belongings. All my Mom wanted was the rocking chair that my great grandmother sat in combing my mom's hair when she was little. Her step sister and her husband would not do it. Apparently rather than giving the antiques to my grandfather's children they sold it all! One happy note, although my grandmother died on Christmas, I was born on Christmas!
My husband is a father to a now 40 year old son but he is estranged...not because of us but because of his mother. He still lives at home! His ex made it very tough for my husband to have a relationship with him. We figured when he got old enough he would recognize that he still had a father that actually loved him so much that was all that he wanted from the marriage...but alas, she just used him against my husband. On one phone conversation at his favorite time (2:30 in the morning) he actually told my husband that he may have been his biological son but Charles was not his father!
What I didn't include in my earlier post was that my Dad died a week short of 53 years old. It will be 32 years since he died on July 5th. It was a shock...he drowned in the community pool. I wish you could have had a wonderful, caring father like I had. My prayers are with you through this difficult time!
@Janet @Liz - sorry to hear those sad news, but it´s soooo important that you tell them - It´s important for you, because it helps to try assimilate what happens, and it´s important to us so we can virtually hug our virtual friends - feel a WARM hug from me Liz! - and because we feel more human in contact with other humans, and feel less lonely - we are not the only ones having problems in a society where everyone usually seems happy...
Here, Father´s day is in August - I am ok with it, as my dad is a fantastic one, my hero for sure, and he lives in the next door, but it´s so hard for my hubby. His dad had already had 4 or 5 wives - we are not really sure and he doesn´t know all his biological half brothers and sisters. Her mother´s was the marriage that lasted longer - but his father abandoned his mother with a 11y.o. (my hubby) and a 1 y.o., went to live in another state, getting with him ALL the money they had and NEVER paid pension, NEVER gave any of them 1 birthday or christmas gift or showed some love when it was not his interest - he showed up and mixed with the children´s feelings being a very cool person every time his mother went to the court against him to try making him paying something. Because of this person, they lived at relatives houses, had nothing to eat besides bread for some time, and lots of other sad things - and this guy is still their father. He converted to a Church, sold all the lands my hubby grandfather´s left as inheirtance - according to brazilian law, he couldn´t have done it, because of their son´s and daughter´s shares - and spent every little penny, buying things in name of other persons, so the goods can´t be taken back by the justice, an d now bothers all the family in Facebook showing how happy his family is, how he is a good father to his youngest sons, how he has prosperity in life, and sending us messages about the "Jesus, that is the one who saves and forgives everything" - nothing against Jesus, but against people who misuse his name and think they´re right. And to the need of this person to clogg our timelines with his messages, knowing that neither my husband, nor I are Christians. If he had been a good Christian, and really prooved with acts his regret about past failures, it would be another thing, but he did nothing of that. And I know that my husband really want to go there where he lives and talk sincerely about these and other things he made, and how he feels, and so.... but we - still - don´t have money to travel so far... so father´s day is not a fantastic day here too, although I try to cheer it up every year and we always enjoy the day with my beloved dad...
@Janet: thanks...
@Lorien: thanks... (and hugs back
) I feel bad for your husband - I know how he feels. I wrote a very simplified version of what my father did to me because I didn't want to scare people (and, simply put, I could fill up a book). He was an awful man. I, too, lived with other relatives at one time (my grandmother), but was never poverty-stricken like your husband was - for that I am truly sorry. My father was very cheap, too, and often didn't provide for me either - even when I was living with him (clothing, annual doctor checkups, etc.). His wife used to write "stay out" on much of the food in our refrigerator - to the point where I couldn't take a lunch to school, and as he never gave me lunch money I went without.
Just curious.... did the dad's conversion take place before or after he sold the lands & what not? As you have already figured out, not all people who proclaim to be Christian act in a Christian manner - sad, but true. They give Christians a bad name. I hope some day you have the funds so he can make that trip & clear the air/get closure. I know how hard that is. I did try to do that with my father years ago - wrote him a letter (at my counselor's suggestion) in the hope that he would reflect on what I had wrote, apologize for what he did to me, and we could possibly rebuild a relationship. Sadly, that was not meant to be... In my mid-20's, when I was down visiting my grandmother, he showed up to eat his lunch (as he did every day he worked, as she lived down the street from where he worked) & confronted me about what I had written. It was just him & I - my grandmother was out for the afternoon. He told me I lived in a "fantasy world," and inferred that I'd lied and made up what I wrote. Needless to say I was livid. I brought up specific examples, which clearly proved I wasn't lying, and he threatened to beat me. I grabbed a steak knife out of my grandmother's silverware drawer & told him he would never lay a hand on me again, and if he tried I wouldn't hesitate to use it (something very uncharacteristic for me, but I was serious - I was never going to let him hurt me again & I didn't know what else to do). He called me a f*ing nut & left. We never spoke again after that.